I gave my two weeks notice at the soul sucking job today. This is one of the last steps towards cutting myself free of some fairly damaging ideas and pressures and expectations and although it is scary to be quitting a job in this type of an economy I couldn’t feel any more sure that is the right choice.
This career path has never been one of my own true choosing, but at least when I started this job it was fun and the people were great to work with and for. And to be honest, there are still a few people at this job that I will truly miss because they have always been nice to me and treated me like an adult and not a 7th grader. But there was a slow shift that resulted in my bringing to fruition many people’s lifelong dream of becoming invisible. So invisible that certain people would walk right past me without saying a word to me but greeting the person behind me. Or so invisible that they would talk about me to each other, painting me in a terrible light, with the door open where I can hear everything they are saying…and then lie to my face about it when I confronted them. Even this morning when I tried to tell one of them that I was leaving he interrupted me midway through my very first sentence and told me he’d come to my office to talk to me about it later and then never did. I’m so unimportant that it wasn’t worth hearing me finish my little speech saying how I appreciated the flexibility with school the last 6 months and opportunities I had there. I’ll put a dollar on it that in a month he will ask where I am and someone will have to tell him I quit. Even though I tried to tell him myself. I just don’t understand how humans have gotten to a place where common courtesy and treating each other with respect is such a foreign concept. When did we stop being nice to each other just for the sake of being a nice person?
I’ll never know the answer to that question but I can celebrate this milestone on my new path. I’ve applied at some retail establishments and I’m just going to roll with whatever comes my way. I know that some people think going into retail during the holidays would be there own personal hell but I’m really optimistic at the opportunity to work on team that talks to each other and makes eye contact, says thank you, smiles and helps people. Even if it’s just helping them find new ski pants. Sign me up! I’m also working more diligently on finding a place to teach yoga either a studio or co-op or gym.
When I feel that little tinge of freak out coming on I just read and reread this Jon Krakauer quote from “Into the Wild” that I’ve put in on the front of my micro binder to read every day at school:
“…make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly to things which you may previously never have tought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and is incredible beauty.”
This journey is a still a long one but taking this step feels equivalent to having caught a 5 mile lift in the direction of my “goal.”
Tonight in yoga my amazing teacher Tina had an underlying theme of reaching out to each other and supporting one another. It was a wonderful experience to be between 2 good friends for a class like this one. I want to thank all my friends for being my support, my cheerleaders, my shoulders to cry on, my family. You’re each a blessing.